McCain and Palin Jokes

On my commute home last night, I came up with this whole little comedy routine about the McCain / Palin ticket. Unfortunately, I had no audience to appreciate it, because I don’t actually perform comedey, ant that’s because I’m really not funny. However, I wanted to capture some of the jokes and share them with the world. This is my gift to you about McCain Palin Obama economy Iraq depression politics hope undead meltdown housing lizard foreclosure financial pit bull security patriot rabies campaign election.

I think the McCain campain took him in the wrong direction at the start. I think they should tried to make McCain look less like a creepy old degnerate. Not more.

I mean, no one wins with the creepy old degenerate look.

Likewise, I think they should have gone another direction with Palin. In retrospect, there are probably better choices than “Psychotic bitch”.

Although lots of people do win with the “Psychotic bitch” look.

I don’t want to come down on one side or the other though. You should make up your own mind. There are two strong tickets this year. One is the inspiring black man who rose from nothing to attend Harvard, enter the Senate, and win against all odds to bring us a campaign of hope, and a vision of a different way for Washington to work. Or you can vote for the ghoulish lizard and the psychotic bitch.

I know I keep comparing McCain to the undead. And that’s not fair. But, come on.

I mean when you say McCain, the first thing to pop into your head is not the Swedish bikini team. The guy shouldn’t be president, he should be introducing horror segments on a late night TV show.

When you say McCain, the first thing that pops into my head is, “Creeeeeeeeeeeeeaak…. My friends, our next story is a horrible tale about limitless ambition heh heh heh heh heh”

With the baby boomers aging, it would make sense for them to identify with an older candidate. But still, no one wants to look in the mirror and see John McCain. If you looked in the mirror and saw Hilary Clinton, well, she’s holding up pretty well. But if I looked in the mirror and saw McCain, I wouldn’t wait. I’d just dial 911 right away.

And I don’t want to beat up on him for being old. That’s a natural thing, a part of the cycle of life. It’s just that in his case, there are dire consequences for the country of his being old, the worst of which are Sarah Palin.

I don’t worry so much about Palin’s lack of experience, because experience is something you gain. It’s being a Nazi that’s hard to shake.

I’m just waiting for Palin to start referring to America as the “Fatherland”.

But if McCain did leave office feet first, it could be really good to have a beauty queen as president. Maybe we could deport all the ugly people.

The thing is, with all the latent racism that’s coming up in this election, especially in the Democratic party, it’s kind of amazing that McCain is losing. You could get 60% of the vote simply by being white and having a body temperature above 65 degrees. Unfortunately, McCain only meets one of those criteria.

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